hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
