i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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