So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
