North Korea, Best Korea!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize