I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
