News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can you bring me the toilet please
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
