Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
