smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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