Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
