he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
