On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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