I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't trust your balls anymore.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize