the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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