Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
