She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
