Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize