I just threw up on my dentist
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she told me i tasted like america
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
