Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
