i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
