im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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