that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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