dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize