is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize