She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
