There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize