eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
