It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she told me i tasted like america
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
