i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
