i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
