Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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