I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
