I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize