dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
