I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
