Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
