is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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