____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize