Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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