Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
