my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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