Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
