Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
