I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
