You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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