he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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