Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
