Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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