I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize