you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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