Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
