you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
