Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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