He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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