He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize