cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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