if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
