Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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