Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
