yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
