it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
