I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
