your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
