I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
