There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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