I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
