Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
