Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
