had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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