I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
