are you so shy because you have an std?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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