I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
