just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
