I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize