Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
