No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
