Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
