i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
