All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
