Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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