He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize