Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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