I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
