You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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