hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize