I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
