I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
