my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
