So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
