yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
