Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
