I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
