He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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