You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
