then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
