He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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