Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
