This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
