i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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