The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
