i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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