the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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