I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Small penises have feelings too.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
