I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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