I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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