I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
