Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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