Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
