No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
