If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
