Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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